Is It Really Just a Number?
When I was young(er ), people in their 20s were the adults, 30s - old, 40s- very old, 50s - ancient. Anything beyond that were the grandparents and great-grandparents. Now that I have newly arrived at the cusp of "ancient", I finally gather enough courage and honesty to look that squarely in the eye and deep into my heart to try to make sense of what that means to the rest of my life.
Yes. I do not look or behave or feel any more 50 than anytime in my other decades. Life goes on, as it does, with its usual rhythmic patterns and beats. I continue with life-style choices made in my 30s. ( Skip the teens and 20s because one is allowed some liberty here to be passionate, wild, foolish even, which drag into the latter years if left unchecked or some just die prematurely )I stayed with whole foods, vegetables and fruits, with the occasional toppings of meat and seafood; and regular exercises of 2-3 times a week.
The flab that creeps up innocuously around the middle and spreads even more insidiously to everywhere else digs its heels in, like an unwelcome guest who refuses to go away. Huffing and puffing, I rev up the exercise machinery. It was tough at first, like anything else that is unfamiliar, but after more than a year of unwavering determination, I have developed enough muscles to actually savour the endorphins that ooze from my system after each workout and gloat over others still going through the painful motions of whipping their bodies into submission.
Yet, some things have definitely changed.
No. On the physical side, there is a slowing down, a conscious decision not to rush through or into things. I learnt to stop and smell the roses - literally.
Gardens By The Bay is one of my favourite haunts now, better enjoyed with good company. I am embracing the comfort of solitude, more and more, in serene environments, enhanced by a good audio-book and a cup of hot tea.
Tastes and values have shifted. I do not want to dress and look like my teenage daughter while it's ok if she eyes my clothes and pinches from my closet, especially the shoes. Excesses were culled and pared down, with several boxes left over. ( One half of the wardrobe did not know what the other half contained - neither did I ! )The same treatment was given to kitchen ware. I did not realise that there were multiple sets of stuff cleverly hidden all over until I moved house after 15 years of cumulative surpluses.
I re-examined my beliefs - is it religion or a relationship? For me, it is a relationship that is gradually evolving as I grow into the knowledge of who my heavenly Father is, and the measure of the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ. It is an awesome, exciting and rewarding journey. Walking in this relationship also affects the way I interact with family, friends and people who share the same relationship with the heavenly Father.
It is easier to overlook differences and lower expectations, starting at home. I learn to consult with my teenage children and it is refreshing to hear their views. Older does not mean wiser - it can mean being stuck in the same vicious cycle of a narrow and biased perspective.
I am learning to move out of the concept of self into community, of what it means to engage actively and invest in the lives of other people, and expect nothing in return.
The rewards I get are priceless - making a difference, redeeming hope, transforming young lives. Imagine if everyone can shed a bit of their self and give back a bit in their own way - the effect would be exponential! This is my dream and vision. Thank you all who have given generously to these boxes and more. Keep them coming!
I am fiercely defensive of my family and grateful for many more things in my life.
I love my enduring spouse of 25 years and my two children, with warts and all. They come as a package deal; with some areas that can still be tweaked, thankfully, and others that are here to stay, as their basic make-up. Of the two, they can't be more different, as unlike as two ends of the pole and never the twain shall meet, but equally endearing in their own way. I enjoy simple pleasures as much as indulgent ones; small graces like a parking lot at the right moment, as much as big graces that come with answered prayers.
I am ready for more adventures, opportunities, connections and open doors that will take my breath away. The journey began the day I prayed and said " I am ready" some three years ago. A mentor once told me that " God is a desperate employer". I should have taken him more seriously...for God did, and my life has never been the same since.
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