Hello, Melancholy

Are You Ok?

It has been two weeks. I have stopped weeping. My mental faculties are sharpened and spurred by a new-found desire to activate the long dormant items on my to-do list with a couple of new ones that had surfaced over this period. This is coupled with the unprecedented onset of physical lethargy. I am sleeping a lot more than my usual 5 hours.

 I eat, but do not taste the niceties of the whole experience  which encompasses the ambience, a touch of the skilful, even the company who eats with me. I continue with my daily Pilates regime, and seem to acquire a higher penchant for the "burn". At home, I sit in front of the terminal and do a lot more shopping with my fingers. Otherwise, I am on the sofa, neither resting nor relaxing, as if in a state of flux. 

Entering Into Limbo

The eye-ducts have a mind of their own. They water at will, though not with the intensity as before. I wear more lipstick now - they last longer and look better than runny eye make-up. I take stock of what lies ahead and decide that I will spend quality time with family and few good friends, eat well, exercise with a vengeance, look for the good in everyone, don't sweat the small stuff, make a serious commitment to ministry and community work, and write that book I've been wanting to... 

With these noble intent come the blatant inertia. I am on the sofa again, and again, and again.

It Has A Name

There is an aching and heaviness which sets in like a phantom limb which has been amputated. I continue to feel, but it's already gone. I am not used to speaking of Mom in the past tense. The eye-ducts are beginning to act up. A new guest has come to lodge in my heart, unwelcomed and uninvited. It is not at all familiar to me, the Sanguine, the Free. I say hello to Melancholy. You may stay for a while, but leave me when it is time ,and I will soar yet once more, unfettered, unencumbered, not longer sad, but ready to let go.