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Of Freebies and Phobias. Posted on 22 Sep 2011

Of Freebies and Phobias. Posted on 22 Sep 2011



The phone rang and a strong accent spoke.It's one of the one-miilion foreigners we have on our shores ( talent or otherwise). The accent dangled the bait -  "You have been selected for a free treatment of massage, body firming or facial at our Spa. The offer is open to first-time customers only." Since it was as good a time as any to get a facial, I  bit at the hook pathetically.

The confirmed appointmet was promptly followed by an sms message, giving detailed directions to an unfamiliar address.
So here I was, this morning, like a fly in the spider's parlour. As I was filling up the peremptory particulars form, a sales rep dressed in black plonked herself next to me and spewed her opening line " You have very dry skin." 

Not a very good introduction , I thought. " Don't women of a certain age have dry skin?" I asked innocently, resisting the temptation to say something like " Do you usually see women of this age having breakouts and oily skin?" Sales rep said drily " Not all." Thankfully, the conversation ended and my room was ready.

A young therapist in a white uniform escorted me. Along the way, she asked " Do you have any particular concerns?" I replied "No, I'm happy with the way things are." Soon, I was lying on the couch, trapped for the next one hour. Therapist fiddled with my hair and adjusted the towels. " You have very dry skin." I was beginning to think the folks here have very limited vocabulary. Me - " Oh, I did not apply any moisturiser today since I was coming for a facial. I think my face can do with some moisturiser if it is dry." Therapist continued " You look very tired." Me - I don't feel tired at all, in fact, I had a very good night's sleep."

 She started the facial by going through the motions of cleansing and steaming. I was enjoying a quiet moment  when she interupted the interlude with " You have some freckles and a brown patch below your eye." Me - "It's ok, they have never bothered me." She - " I'm just telling you." Me - " I know about it - I look into the mirror everyday."

After a painful session of getting my blackheads squeezed, she offered to show them to me. " No thank you. I don't want to see them." The face massage was surprisingly good. Then the voice said " Your eyes must be rather strained, I can feel the knots and tension." Me - " I don't think so." And on and on it droned...during the shoulder massage, " You have very tight muscles"..." You feel very heaty "...by this time I gave up and pretended to doze off. 

If ever I harboured any intentions of coming here and having a peaceful respite, I was sadly mistaken. What I got was unrelentless attacks on the slightest imperfections and blemish ( some of which I consider cute!). Wow, a person of lesser ego would be taken apart and feel very afraid. 

Then the unexpected happened. Before she slapped the cold, oozy mask on my face, she asked " Do you have a phobia?" Me - aroused quickly from my supposed slumber - " What?" She tried again " Are you afraid of the mask ?"  I spluttered " What? afraid of the mask?" sounding like a parrot. She explained patiently, " Some people are afraid of the cold mask and I've had customers running out of the room, demanding to have the mask taken off immediately." 

This is new to me. It doesn't make sense. Isn't this part and parcel of a facial? She went on " In that case, they can ask for a collagen mask." Me - " What's the difference?" She - " There are some people who are afraid of the pressure on their face when the cold mask is applied, even men." Me - " I see"...and burst out laughing. She did not share my amusement. Ok, ok, must respect her customers- I stiffled my natural instincts.

At long last, the facial came to an end, as all not- so- good things do. I stuffed a tip into her surprised hands, and I saw her smile, which was the best part of the day, for me. Sales rep in black came back to me again. After a whole barrage of questions, which I firmly said "No", she asked me if I could fill up a compliment slip for her."Sure", it's the least I could do. " Great service, good therapist. I had a relaxing treatment."

So, I did not tell the whole truth, which would be cruel. If only freebies were really freebies, with no strings attached! And if only they had tried a different tack, like saying positive things about the customer, to make them feel good, instead of instilling guilt, fear and playing up on insecurities.

Ah, then I would have gone for the bait, and came home with a facial package which  I did not need and did not want. 
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