Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word - Part 2
Turning back the clock.
I'm a little girl with big dreams. I came home from school one day after a class session on "What do you want to be when you grow up?" It seemed natural to share it with Mummy. I told her. She laughed out loud and thought it real funny, without meaning to be cruel. BUT it was CRUEL. When I grew up, I never came close to that path I once thought I would take. If only she'd said SORRY...
Growing up, my face was fertile ground for acne attack. The more intense the attacks, the more self-conscious I got, and the more I withdrew into the world of books instead of social networks. Mummy would chose those moments to remind me about the zits on my face as if I did not know they exist; and give timely advice about washing my face ( isn't 3 times a day enough? ) and refraining from chocolates, chilli and other "heaty" stuff which I could only savour in my imagination.
If only she'd said something else...
In secondary school, I scrimped and scrounged on records ( now a thing of the past ) and amassed a sizeable collection over time. They disappeared one day, disposed of, given to the "karang guni" man. Mummy said that they were taking up space in the house and "no one listens to these things anymore".
Well, I am someone. If only she'd known that...
At college, Mummy thought it best for me that I studied Science instead of the Arts. In legal parlance, it's called "undue influence". I obeyed. Did she know that I struggled with Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry everyday of the entire two-year course? No, she didn't. In her time, the ones who did Science were the smart(er) ones.
If only she'd asked me...
Mummy loved me and still does, in the detached Asian way she knows how.
Now I am all grown up and the tables are turned. I do not want to be an Asian parent or go the way of "the Amy Chua".
I have learnt that littler people do have a voice, and they do bleed when stabbed.
So I talk less and listen more, paying special attention to the non-verbal cues.
AND once in a while, remember to say SORRY.
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