Goodbye to B
This morning, I went to Mandai Crematorium to attend a funeral. It is always one funeral too many. Death has a cruel finality even as the stark reality hits hard when you say goodbye. He was a devoted dad and husband to a close friend. In a eulogy given by a friend of the family, a Catholic nun asked a group of doctors – What is the opposite of death? One doctor said glibly – “life”. It was the wrong answer. Birth is the opposite of death and life is what happens between birth and death.
L, his wife, was my class-mate at Montessori School. I had no clue on mothering and took up the class to learn more, textbook style. L was a luminary both in and out of class. Together with B, they made parenting seem like a breeze. L was, and still is, my role model as a mother and a woman of outstanding character.
“Our Kampung” was started by L, a pre-school for her own children and a handful of others, including mine. It was so named because of a house on stilts built by B on the school compound, which was also their home base. D spent almost 2 very fruitful years at Our Kampung. He may not be aware, but I know that the time he spent there has left an indelible mark on him and shaped the foundation of his early childhood education. I certainly learnt a lot from L, working alongside her.
Later, L and B moved to KL with their children, who went on to study in International Schools, but in my heart, I am always thankful to L for the opportunity to be part of Our Kampung. I remember the good times in KL when L and B extended their hospitality to me, my mum, and the kids by opening their home to us. My mum got on well with L’s mum, who was the proverbial doting grandma. Sadly, both the grandmas have since passed on.
On another occasion, I was on a solo trip to KL riding on a free ticket to the F1 event in KL. It was way back in those days when F1 was still alien here. L was out of town that weekend, and it was B who took me out to lunch and sent me back to the hotel. Such is the measure of this man – he made time, even for his wife’s friend. He was someone who lived life to the fullest, who loved his wife, children and football game passionately, ate heartily, and swore impassively. He was also the only one I knew who could do the MRT announcements in 4 languages with comic timing and pitching.
When L posted on FB that B fell ill, it was with a very heavy heart I followed the developments that led to this parting. Just three weeks ago, I visited B and caught up with L over lunch – some 5 years condensed into two hours. She talked, I listened, she cried, I cried too. The tears did the talking. There was so much I wanted to say, but yet, nothing to say.
In the days that followed, I prayed intently – for B, for L, for the family.
Today, I laid a flower for B. There was the son, all of 6 feet tall, holding back his emotions, B’s pride; the daughter, beautiful and almost composed, B’s forever princess; and L, B’s love of his life. They hugged, kissed and cried. Eventually, the stoic son broke down and sobbed for his Daddy who will not be there for his football games. The rest of us cried with them.
L, if you are reading this, I found this song on youtube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbJruWd6bmU
I dedicate it to you as a testament of your strength and courage. “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance…”
Knowing you, you will.
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