When a loved one is taken ill, and the illness rears its ugly head, getting more intense by the day…How does one cope? It is painful to watch that someone suffering, physical condition deteriorating. There is a heavy weight of sadness and an impending sense of loss.
Dad passed on, suddenly, in 2001, of a heart attack. Death dealt a cruel blow as no one anticipated or was prepared for it. He was seemingly ok one day and was gone the next. I have deep regrets – like not trying to understand his frustrations, his outlook of life. I take comfort that he is now in his heavenly home, safe in the arms of Jesus, and I am sure he will forgive me for the times I have clashed with him, not so much because I am the rebel, but because it is impossible to agree when one sees the hole and the other, the doughnut.
In 2003, it was my father-in-law. He was the perenial fighter and though doctors have given him negative prognoses time and again, he always seemed to bounce back when we’d thought he would not make it. But that one time when he was admitted to hospital, he did not make it when we all thought he would. It started with a stroke, followed by pneumonia and slowly the organs began to shut down. I was not there at his bedside when he died, being away for an overseas trip. When G broke the news over the phone, I wept. The family has rallied around him and prayed.
I am hopeful for a reunion with him when I get to heaven. Although he did not make a deathbed confession or conversion, I believe that our prayers for his salvation have been answered.It is now 2012. My cousins are keeping a close watch over my uncle SL, at his hospital bed. I stand with them, not being part of the immediate family, but just being there, as part of the extended family.
For the most part of my childhood and teenage years, our two families had lived next door to each other. I grew up with M, my cousin, three years my senior, who was the sister I never had. P, M’s elder sister, also took me under her “wings” and treated me like a little sister.Uncle SL was firm, but always fair. I admired him for what he stood for, and secretly looked upon him as a father figure.My brother, R, had his own “gang” with cousins K and F, who were closer to his age group.
As the years went by, both families moved out of the 3-room HDB common corridor precincts which held many precious memories and family reunions were whittled down to the once-a-year Chinese New Year gathering. Uncle SL had been a regular part of these gatherings, enjoying the customary mahjong game ( which seems to be a trademark of the Leong, Chan and Sim clan ) which lasts all night.
This Chinese New Year, when we gathered at his place, he complained of weakness in his back and legs, which would take on more serious undertones as the days go by.The intervening years since the two families moved out have been long and in the meanwhile, the cousins have grown up, got married, had children, and were often “too busy” with their own lives and commitments.
Just being there has redeemed some of those lost years, in catching up with the cousins and what is going on with their lives. Just being there is my way of telling uncle I do care, very much, and to offer some form of support for my cousins during a very difficult period.Just being there, to offer up a prayer, for peace, healing, and salvation.
And I do believe that our prayers will be answered.
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